Home > Life > Programmer testing miracle products, the green coffey diet!

Programmer testing miracle products, the green coffey diet!

February 20, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments

Facebook and other media is packed to the brim with diets and products that are supposed to help with lose weight. They are so annoying that I decided to test and blog about one of them, because I firmly believe they are wrong. I find it so sad  that friends (primarily women) throw away money on these products, because ultimately, there is only one way to get a better body and that is to work out! So today I decided to give one of these miracle diets a critical, real-life test by a programmer which, in most likelihood, is used to be being far more critical than the aunts, cousins and sisters of this world.

But, I am going to be fair. If this works (which I highly doubt) I have agreed to wear “the norwegian pants” (google that) for a whole workday at the office. Although I don’t think that will happen anytime soon.

Or just work out for 1 hour a day...

Or just work out for 1 hour a day…

What is acclaimed

According to the commercials (both the one circulating on Facebook, G+, radio and television) the 100% guaranteed results of taking 2 capsules of raw green-coffey a day, and im extrapolating from different sources here, are:

  • Firmer breasts
  • Tighter thighs (Robin hood style?)
  • Lose at least 4 kilos of fat in 30 days (not body weight, but fat!)
  • More energy
  • Overall happier with less mood swings
  • Less menstrual pain
  • Smother and more vibrant skin

Initial thoughts

The concept of firmer breasts freaks me out right off the bat, but in the name of science and computing im willing to grow a pair for the team. Although it would be quite a miracle if i evolve a pair of knockers over the next month (and somewhat materials for a horror movie; pictures of the poor due in Fight Club immediately springs to mind).

The norwegian stuff

The norwegian stuff

Also, the box contains 60 tablets – meaning a 30 day program – which incidentally means you violate the “trial” period of you actually complete the diet! Meaning of course that you wont get a penny back because your complaint is made on wrong assumptions.

Debugging the content

My first impression of this product is, naturally, that it contains quite high doses of caffeine. Which is known for the following effects:

  • Tightens blood arteries, giving a false experience of firmness
  • Causes the body to expel excess water
  • Makes you feel more awake
  • Is used in painkillers
  • Causes the liver to produce more gall, leading to more acidic stomach content, which results in more frequent toilet visits

So to sum up, the product more or less promises to deliver exactly the same (if not less) than a cheaper off the shelf pre-workout formula!

Same effect, but this is what men buy

Same effect, but this is what men buy

Be that as it may – the ad claims that you are to lose 4 kilos of fat, not water — so this will be interesting! Having taken 2 capsules I have already been to the toilet 2 times in 1 hour, so I know where this is going…

[To be continued..]

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